I’m going to try to make this fun since my posts have been quite depressing lately. Key word here is try. I apologize in advance if I fail. But let’s get into it!
I am a person who actually listens to the advice I’ve gotten. And by that I mean I implement it into my life as best as possible; cater it to my situation and do something other than moping. And believe me I’m quite an expert on the moping—its comfortable inside my warm and cozy problems.
So the key here is although you may have heard some of this stuff before, think about if you’ve really made the best of what knowledge you’ve gotten out of said advice.
Seize the Moment
Best mom advice ever. Some how it felt like I had never heard this until my mom said it. I was 23 years old and on the precipice of the biggest decision of my life. Am I going to get married 5 years before I wanted to—before I had a house, car, or even my dream job. And if you know me then you know I wanted everything to happen in perfect sequence. And my mother looked at me and said—Hannah, seize the moment. All those other things are not in front of you. This is what is in front of you. On the table. Right now. You will lose it trying to reach for other things. Whew! Needless to say—I got married at 23. Now sis, I’m not TELLING YOU TO GET MARRIED AT 23. Or worse to marry just about anybody that asks for your hand. I am telling you that moments are what they are. Instantaneous. Quick. Blink twice and you will miss it and its gone forever or comes back around when your hands are too full to grab it. Sometimes it will even pass before you realize that was it. I list this first because its probably the one piece of advice that has exploded the way I move in the world.
Be Careful of the Company You Keep
Best dad advice ever. And best advice I’ve taken into adulthood. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before in another post. My dad drilled this mantra into my head every morning before school. Every. Single. Morning. He would drop me off, tell me to have a good day, tell me that he loves me, and then he would tell me to choose my friends wisely and be careful of the company I kept. As a child growing up in a dangerous place this advice literally saved my life. As an adult it has kept me from certain people who would only serve to sap my energy. I try to keep people around me who pour into me as I pour into them; who are supportive and encouraging; have vision and purpose—know where they want to go and how they’re going to get there; people who I learn from; and who have some qualities that I truly admire and wish to emulate. And being alone is not the alternative. Friends are an important part of who you want to be. Just choose wisely.
No One Will Show Up for You If You Can’t Show Up For Yourself
Best teacher advice. I’ll just leave this right here kids.
Lower Your Expectations
Best relationship advice. I read this in a marriage counseling book. It was on the first page if that tells you anything. I didn’t read anything else if that tells you more. I realized this advice is probably applicable to everything: friends, family, the dream job, the fancy car, etc. People are only human and stuff is just things (lol). What I’m trying to say is save yourself the heartbreaking disappointment of getting your hopes up about ANYTHING. Operate with what you have on the table—with what you see and not what you think is supposed to happen. Plan per a person’s actions and not their promises. That way you can be pleasantly surprised when something actually works out in your favor. Because there is A LOT of heartbreak in setting high expectations. A lot. It is painfullllllllllllllllll. I’m not suggesting that you should plan for the worse, assume the worse of people or assume you will fail in everything you put your hand to. More so its so you take responsibility for your own choices, and actions, and rely only on yourself instead of playing with cards you don’t have.
Save Your Money
Not the same as investing—which I advocate for. This is more like don’t spend your money on nonsense. I am president and ceo of the nonsense buying committee. Let me tell you—a lot of regrets. Before you waste your money ask yourself—do I really need this, or should I put this down for a rainy day—or a rainy year (2020). Money is one of those things that’s guaranteed to grow—unlike my hair or patience. There also is some virtue in living a minimalist lifestyle and using your coins for things that will bear fruit. Now I try to use my money to curate a vision rather than impulse buy. This is not the best money advice but it was my first—baby steps though because money management is a challenge.
Treat People How You Want to Be Treated; Not How They Treat You
Girl. I know. My most hated mom advice probably ever. But my mom does it and she has very good karma—which I genuinely believe comes from how she treats people. My cheat code for this is that sometimes I find I need to change the dynamic of my relationships. I need to create boundaries, lower expectations, make myself less available—all of which doesn’t constitute treating a person poorly. Loop hole for sure.
Everyone Is Inadequate In Some Way
Repeat this to yourself when you start to feel inferior, and repeat it out loud when you scroll on Instagram.
Forgive Yourself; Love Yourself
When I think about all the Oreos I’ve eaten in 2020—I feel a deep sadness. I don’t think I forgave myself until this week. In truth—I don’t think you can ever fully love yourself until you forgive yourself. I don’t think you can move on and be your best self until you forgive yourself. I don’t think you can feel yourself worthy of anything until you forgive yourself. I don’t think you can forgive other people until you forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself requires you to confront your mistakes and trauma—the Oreo ones and the ones that set your life on a completely different course. That’s why its so hard to forgive because its easier to ignore than confront. Its easier to live angry, fearful, in denial, in the past, and shrunken than to face the pain of confronting yourself. But usually buried under than forgiveness is your only way to move forward.
It’s Not About The Timeline It’s About The Season
I don’t think anyone is more obsessed with timelines and 5-year plans more than I am. I was scheduled to be rich this year actually and that didn’t work out. Now what? I am always, admittedly, either too green or over ripe. Not quite fit for what I’m waiting to be bestowed on me, even though I am eager for it and insist it should have happened already. The analogy around waiting for your season has to do with whether or not you’re equipped for what you think you should have and also if its your time. For example, you want a husband but are you ready to be a wife? And have you planted the seeds and waited for them to grow? Did you plant the husband seeds? You want fruit without the labor? Is something supposed to come out of nothing? Did Christopher Plummer not wait until he was 82 to receive his Oscar? After acting for 81 years and 6 months. Of course he was ready but it probably wasn’t his season. But when those two things align (you’re ripe AND its your season) you will be unstoppable. Juiciest fruit ever.
Don’t Wait Until You’re Miserable to Move On
Best internet advice. I heard this on the Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo. She said, “get happy before you leave…don’t leave a situation in order to get happy.” Blew my face off because I realized how much we change our circumstances in order to be happy instead of realizing that happiness starts within ourselves and our minds. We expect that leaving the source of the pain and misery will make us happy. But as Brooke says this is just a way to “manipulate the outside world in order to make you happy internally”. Whew! Wouldn’t it be nice if we left our jobs not wishing death on our bosses, or left our marriages but still loved and respected our partners. Where are they doing this? Let me know.
Everything That Is For You Will Be For You
To end on a good note because I love you all. This is my best don’t worry be happy advice.
I’d love for you guys to share some of your best advice with me in the comments below. I’m excited to hear what’s been keeping you all lifted throughout 2020 ❤